I’m going to go out on a limb here and admit something to you… Hi, my name is Sonnet. And sometimes I’m really bad at taking good care of myself.
When I was in graduate school many years ago, I took several courses on leadership coaching and life coaching. During this time I became introduced to the work of Cheryl Richardson, an author, speaker, and coach. I can honestly say her books have greatly changed my life and influenced my philosophies around self-care.
In my life recently, I’ve been dealing with a few challenges and have had numerous signs telling me that it’s time to go back to the basics and focus on self-care. Self-care is one of my favorite topics and I know I’ve mentioned Cheryl on this blog before, but I felt like it was time to share more about her book The Art of Extreme Self-Care because I’m finding it so relevant in my life right now.
First, let me answer the question that you might be asking… why does self-care matter?
Remember the demo that flight attendants give where they show how to put on your oxygen mask first and then to put on the oxygen masks for others? I remember as a child thinking that it seemed strange to put yours on first because… wouldn’t you want to help the other person first? Nope.
The truth is that you can’t help anyone else if you run out of oxygen first. Self care operates on the same principle.
So, what does self care mean?
It may look different for each person, but I describe self-care as a practice of (daily) habits that foster health and happiness in your life. Self-care might be making time for a yoga or meditation practice, going to bed when you feel tired (instead of checking email on your phone), picking a green smoothie when you really just want a cookie, or delegating projects at work if you find yourself consistently overburdened.
Although I fully support the idea of practicing self-care, I know that I operate in this world as a care taker and struggle with putting others’ needs before my own. When I first read The Art of Extreme Self-Care back in 2009, I was amazed to find a book that felt like it had been written just for me. On the back, Cheryl gives examples of who might benefit from reading the book.
Can you relate to any of these?
- I carry a lot of resentment, feeling angry with others who don’t meet my needs.
- I expect people to read my mind and know what I need or want.
- I often feel like a martyr who lives my life for everyone else.
- I have many one-sided relationships where people take more than they give.
- I give in to others in an effort to feel needed, important, or worthy.
- It’s rare for me to relax or enjoy things that are fun.
- I hate disappointing people.
For me, The Art of Extreme Self-Care became a life vest as I was working through a lot of these areas. The book is just over 100 pages and is broken up into 12 chapters. The topics range from helping you identify areas where you feel deprived in your life to getting clearer on your relationship with yourself to working through feelings of guilt around disappointing people.
One of my favorite chapters is on “The Absolute No List” where Cheryl guides you in creating a list of things you would like to stop doing in order to protect your energy and honor your values. This practice of creating an “Absolute No” list continues to be one of my favorite things to do when I find myself feeling pulled in a million directions. Some of things that usually make my “Absolute No” list include:
- Not taking care of body.
- Eating when I’m not hungry.
- Checking email right when I wake-up or right before falling asleep.
- Being in an unsafe environment.
- Putting myself down.
Each chapter is only a few pages long so the content feels really manageable and I love that Cheryl gives you a challenge for each area to help you practice, along with specific resources if you want to learn more about that particular area. This book has made such a positive impact in my life that I hope it may be helpful for you as well.
If this speaks to you, you can find The Art of Extreme Self-Care here on Amazon and you can also visit Cheryl’s website to sign up for her free newsletter.
Take care,
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